N then it becomes clear~

Just today I revisited a social website thingy called Friendster! I know it is dinosaur era now but back then when ol'Jon was active in the web, Friendster was a cool site to hang out and post things. Then along the way came Facebook and after the 2 guys convinced the world that it is a must have thing to be involved in, Friendster became the yucks and euls of the internet savvy crowd. In fact Baskin Lee was having a field day teasing me about me revisiting Friendster when she peek into my laptop.

Fact 1, I had stopped visiting Friendster for more than 1 1/2 years. I was in the site today to try to close down the account(alas I couldn't do so). Fact 2, I do not have a Facebook account(yes I know this is not acceptable but hey, it's a free world) so I could not possible have known how much 'in' Facebook were and how convenient it is. I do not know what is Tag and I do not fancy telling the world (or my list of friends) what I had for lunch, or how smelly Ryan's fart is nor I fancy telling people how I feel about gay people. So, enough of the explaining then...phew, all this because I was 'caught' browsing through my Friendster's page? :-)

I finished updating my resume a while ago, and while waiting for it to be loaded to JobsDB, Jobstreet and so on, I couldn't help by thinking of how defensive I was when I was 'caught' browsing Friendster this afternoon. I mean a couple of  years ago, it was ThE SitE to go to. It was modern, proper, cool and must have thingy and along came Facebook and it has been consigned to the dust bins? I gave a good 10 minutes thoughts into it and came to the conclusion that it is the human nature of wanting the best in life. Given a choice a human beings will ALWAYS want the best(they thought so anyway) for themselves. Second best is not good enough unless the Best comes with a price tag. If it is free, then of course only the best will do. If  say the Government says each tax paying(damn them taxmen!) citizen can get a free car of their choice free of charge, will ol'Jon pick a Ford Mondeo or closer to home a Proton Insprira(clone of Mitsubishi Lancer)? Hell no, give me a 2010 Chevy Camaro SS HPE 650 Supercharged Hennessey please! So the significantly important Friendster was consigned to history whereby its user(I'm sure there is still some die hard fans out there) need to crouch ontop of the toilet bowl with the door shut and put on the stealth mode when they are browsing Friendster. Friendster or Facebook?? It's a no brainer choice, even to a non-Facebooking fella like me....

Also in the menu today when 'browsing' up my Friendster's page was my old blogs in Friendster. I remember 85% of my blog contents were sappy, sad and depressing. Indeed when I started blogging, my love life plunge into disarray!
I broke up with the love of my life, I hung on to lots of girls to ease the pain(sometime doing doubletakes) and I basicall wasting my life with boozes, ciggys and late nights. All unhealthy and bad stuffs, things that I regret doing(the ruining other girls heart part) and things I wouldn't do again(ciggys). Now, all my life people have been telling me that I'm a bad lover. I can get them girls easy but I do not know how to maintain them relationships well. I'm more of a parasite whereby the other party does all the loving after I've reached my objective(nope, not going to reveal anything here) and I will move on and get attracted to other girls a.s.a.p. I felt powerful, egoistic and good doing it but at the same time, I felt horrible, I felt empty and I felt miserable when I'm alone. I couldn't figure it out why this happen to me, why I couldn't just be happy and get on with life. Heck I supposed to be having the time of my life with so many ladies in my life, but deep down I'm just a lonely boy hoping to find love again.

I now understand why I feel that way. I'm also much wiser to see things from different perspective while analysing my own feelings and emotions. I would like to say that ol'Jon felt the love of his life when Silly Bean was with him. When we went our seperate ways, ol'Jon couldn't swim and the fear drowning make me hung on to numerous girls for support and comfort and end up hurting them. ol'Jon had never let go of Silly Bean and it was very sad that we cannot be with the one we loved the most. Silly Bean is the most important person to ol'Jon and without her life was empty. She was full of flaws but I love her to bits nonetheless even though she is imperfect. She makes me feel alive and she completes me. We're never meant to love someone who is perfect but we must love the person we cherish perfectly! I believe this is the reason for the sappy sad blog posting in my Friendster account. Reading back, I can feel the pain residing in me when Silly Bean is not around me and the desperate attempts to forget her only makes it harder and more painful....

When I 'migrate' to blogspot, I no longer write sappy sad blogs anymore because God blessed me with the wonderful CP and our lovely macho son Nathan. For these two people are the singularly most important folks in my life. Hope that idiotic Soon Aik will not comment about my sappy sad blogs ever again coz I'm most certainly could not live without them in my life. If ever CP has doubts on my love for her, she'll just need to know that she is the only person in the world that can make ol'Jon's heart beat faster and slower at the same time.....it always had been and will always be so....

Ikh Ho Van Jo CP! It's a promise~